Fashion Watch

Even if you Trust the Man, don't trust the stylist

Apparently the Wicked Witch of the Fashion World put a spell on the premiere of Trust the Man.

How else does one explain Maggie Gyllenhaal, who looked so great at the premiere of World Trade Center earlier in the week, electing to wear an oddly patterned brown dress with the texture of a garbage bag?

Or the usually delightful Julianne Moore wearing a dress of a lovely colour and length but which was unfortunately bib-like and insufficiently boob concealing in the bodice?

Or Eva Mendes wearing an unflatteringly coloured, unflatteringly bunching gown and an overblown hair style?

Or, for that matter, Billy Crudup’s moustache or James Le Gros’s bug eyes?

The desire to make a chest-related joke gets stronger - but still I resist

By popular, and morbid, demand: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest UK premiere.

Featuring:

That dress. Or, more appropriately I guess, that lack of body in that dress. A couple of things on this subject. I think the slinky, cut down to there, Gucci gown is not very attractive in the first place. It’s so damn clingy that whatever flaws the wearer has – too much or too little of anything – is emphasised. On the skinny Ms Knightley herself, I had noted that she was looking super thin even for her at the Disneyland premiere, but she picked the worst dress to show that off here. I have no doubt at all that she’s a naturally skinny person. She’s always been tall, with a boyish figure, and seemed pretty athletic. However something has happened in the last few months and now she just looks scary. Just a sandwich or two Keira, I’m sure that’s all it will take.

However, while the rib cage has been the main talk of the premiere, it was far from the only fashion moment at the event.

After all, far more groundbreaking than the headline “Keira Knightley is Skinny” is the headline ”Kimberly Stewart Dresses Like A Lady.

Those Geldof girls know how to work it, don’t they? Strike a pose, ladies, because at least you’re doing it in decent dresses.

Whatever one may say about Mischa Barton’s fashion sense – here, not horrible, not stunning – she usually has stunning hair and skin. Not so much with the fabulous hair on this occasion though.

In thumbnail version Natalie Imbruglia’s blue dress looked fabulous, however on closer inspection it’s not particularly flattering in the chest area. Lovely colour though.

And finally, I trust this look is for a role, Jack Davenport.

In which I resist the temptation to make a chest-related joke

Yes, lack of posts. Yes, sorry. Yes, busy, blah, blah, blah, life etc.

Anyway, the Pirates of the Caribbean – Dead Man’s Chest, premiere.

I have been railing for some time about Jennifer Love Hewitt’s crazy dark, face covering, oft bee-hived hair. That will not change today. It will just be joined by annoyance at her crochet top and too long pants.

Michelle Tratchenberg seemed to be going for a bit too much to be a simple sundress, but too little to be a pirate wench. The result: meh.

Keira Knightley, who if I recall correctly wore a mid-riff baring frightening showcase of skinniness to the premiere of the original movie, this time went very bridal pirate wench, perhaps taking her part too literally. The consistency remained in the frightening show of skinniness though. Eat a sandwich Keira. Lovely hair and make-up though.

Of course, all looked fabulous when compared to the fact that Roseanne wore a track suit. That being said, I’ve seen people (and probably Roseanne herself), look far worse in a track suit than she does there.

I’m all for casual jeans with sneakers. But Christina Applegate needs to learn the same hard lesson I did: the long jeans that go with high heeled boots do not go with sneakers. Or a short dress, for that matter. And definitely not both at the same time.

Post-baby Tia Carrere was smokin’ in a simple smokey gown.

Diana Prince would not approve.

Mixed Premieres - Mixed Choices

Now that I've recovered from the early-year onslaught of awards shows and the unveiling of the fall collections, it's time to return to the fun and games of premieres and parties.

While Zooey Deschanel spent most of Oscar season attending various parties in floral dresses with black tights - i.e. being a season ahead of fashion time - which wasn't perfect but at least seemed age-appropriate, at the premiere of Failure to Launch for some reason she went in another direction. The direction of a flat, too low, unflattering strapless dress, and even more inexplicably, what appears to be white-ish stockings with open-toed shoes.

Sarah Jessica Parker at least opted for bare legs with her open-toed shoes. Her black knit dress and wide belt is neither here nor there, but hopefully the flowing locks and more relaxed look are a sign of fashionable things to come in 2006 after she spent so much of 2005 dressing as a tight-bunned princess both on and off screen.

On the other side of the Atlantic, at the V for Vendetta premiere, Natalie Portman unfortunately succumbed to the tulip skirt and proved that not even one as gamine as herself can pull it off. See how she looks heavy in the thighs and slightly knock-kneed? Behold the power of the tulip skirt.

In the category of "why the hell did they make that film?" is The Shaggy Dog, and at its premiere, in the category of "why the hell did she wear that?" was Brenda Strong. The jeans, the shoes, the pink top, even the leather jacket in her hand all seem great, so why the unnecessary satin/floral ballet top? It wrecks an otherwise perfectly acceptable casual outfit.

Kristen Davis was perfectly pretty in blue, but is it her lop-sided hairstyle making her breasts look lop-sided, or just whatever is holding them up under that dress?

With her body conscious mauve sheer-over-nude dress, I'm not sure Tia Carrere realised it was a "family" movie.

Over a different kind of "family" premiere, Sopranos mother and daughter Edie Falco and Jamie-Lynn Sigler made quite the attractive pair, Edie in blue and Jamie-Lynn in bow-fronted red. Both cocktail dresses made the most of their assets without being too revealing, and the colours were great.

Casanova as rumpled school boy

The premiere of Casanova raised several questions, even beyond Jude and Sienna: yes or no?

For example, how would Lena Olin's alter ego SpyMommy feel about something quite so ruffle-y?

Is Ms Miller wearing a dress or a coat and why couldn't she have found boots to match? Now, I have to put a caveat on that comment. As a general rule I don't accept the Sienna Miller as style icon propaganda. She generally looks like a mismatched hippie waif. However, here I actually think she looks great. First, her hair and make-up is simple but pretty. Second, whether dress or coat, it's interesting and, stunningly for her, structured. Also, as much as I have been railing on the dark tights and boots combo recently, here it really works. And, I suspect most importantly, she actually looks happy, which is something of a change even pre-nanny-gate.

Was Heath Ledger over-compensating for not making the Australian Commonwealth Games team? Michelle Williams, on the other hand, looked new mother radiant and stylish in black with fabulous hair.

Where was Sly?

At the premiere of The Family Stone, Sarah Jessica Parker apparently mistook flat and dull for sleek. At least I hope she did, because aiming for flat and dull would just be silly.

Virginia Madsen, on the other hand, opted for black parachute material.

We can all usually get behind Diane Keaton's unique style. It's odd, but it's her. However, resorting to the waiter's version seemed a little much. Or not enough.

Kristen Davis must be angling for some type of witchy part in overloaded black cut in a manner that doesn't flatter her hips.

No, no, no. Amanda Peet's Victorian nightie/painting smock and black leggings combo was unreasonably gothic. And odd.

But at least Amanda got her proportions right, unlike Tava Smiley whose pants were too short, jacket too small, and sleeves too long.

Ginnifer Goodwin's multi-coloured dress was pretty and her hair lovely, but again the heavy black tights just don't work.

Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretentious

At the King Kong premiere there's only one word to describe Naomi Watts and her long white gown: pretty. The gown is too long, the hair is slightly funny, the make-up isn't the best, and she's a bit too old for such a girly description, and yet she's simply very very pretty. Love that dress.

Lindsay Lohan's knotted red dress and gold shoes combo was also a winner, if only she would have ditched the fur tippet.

Evan Rachel Wood also brought the pretty in a simple pale blue dress and wavy hair.

Adrien Brody, on the other hand, needs help. The hair, the jewellery, the cravat, the gloves!. Stop.

Tall and white, short and black

The premiere of the new film version of The Producers brought out two of the classier celebrity dressers in star of the film Uma Thurman in shimmering white and wife of the star of the film Sarah Jessica Parker in a lovely black and white dress with ugly stockings and blah shoes.

The fur gets in the way (again)

At the Aeon Flux premiere Charlize Theron wore a fabulous strapless, sparkling nude dress with shiny, pretty hair and great make-up. However those shoes were kind of boring and I really wish she hadn't succumbed to an entirely needless one-shouldered fur thing, even if the colour was flattering with the rest of the outfit.

I know it's Winter up there, but...

At the premiere of Madonna's new confessional, the usual suspects were out and about.

Gwyneth Paltrow started out okay with an attractive black coat and what looks like it could be a stylish silver dress, however grey not quite opaque tights and velvet boots? Some of these things do not remotely go with the others. (Also, nothing in that outfit is going to dispell those pregnancy rumours, they are still just rumours, right?)

Madge herself was wearing a black and silver dress that worked, but the hair and make-up combination was somewhat, well, other-worldly.

There's Nanny. Where the Professor?